Writings By Phil

In June I celebrated my three score and ten years, plus one birthday. That mile marker was reached only after seven decades of sitting as a student in the classroom of choices (good and bad), experiences (good and bad), adversities, stress, and everything else that life threw at me.

Now, my life is fast approaching the stroke of midnight. In these twilight years, the light of youth is fading fast, and its glow hangs on the horizon only in the rearview mirror and the road is so narrow I can’t turn around and go back the way I came!

I’m like an old computer. My hardware breaks down and my programs run slower than they used to. They crash, and often, there are no backup or restore disks to fix the problem. The truth is, getting old is really getting old!

Last week, I had a pacemaker installed in my chest. I’ve had some issues with dizziness or dark shadows creeping into my peripheral vision when I do certain stretches or exercises on my foam mat in the morning. The doctor said I have a condition called Carotid Hyper-sensitivity and a pacemaker would fix it. I thought an easier cure would be to stop exercising!

However, Doc said when pressure is put on my carotid artery, it tells my body that my blood pressure is too high, and my brain will explode if it is not regulated, so a signal is sent to shut down my heart. On the EKG, my heart beat flat-lined for almost six seconds after the doctor pressed on my carotid artery. He said when that happens, my blood pressure drops to dangerously low levels and that is when blackness blurs my vision and I feel dizzy. He said that if it would occur when I was driving my pickup, I could kill myself or someone else in a crash. I don’t want that to happen, so I got a pacemaker!

The condition is most common in men who wear white shirts buttoned all the way to the top and neckties. I always knew there was something sinister about wearing a tie. Now I have a reason to avoid them all together!

I got hearing aids three years ago. Back in the antiquity of youth, I was ignorant of the dangers of loud noise, except for loud music like Rock and Roll, of which we were warned repeatedly, that we would pay the price in hearing loss when we got older. My music tastes in those days were mostly classical so I thought I was in a safe place. However, I had too many hours on the trigger end of a chainsaw, cutting firewood, wooden beams for buildings, clearing jungle, all cut without wearing hearing protection.

Added to the damage done by chainsaws were the loud reports of too many bullets shot from rifles and pistols, again, not using ear protection. I enjoyed target shooting and taught my children to shoot and respect guns, but the sport further damaged my hearing. In those days, nobody that I knew wore hearing protection when using a chainsaw or shooting a firearm!

What little hearing I had left, the church took! I don’t know if it is the belief that God is too far away to hear our praises unless the volume is turned to maximum, or if it is done to imitate rock concerts with the hope the loud music will attract the young people into the church. Sometimes I turn my hearing aids off and the music is still too loud! If I turned the volume on the TV at home that loud, I would be in trouble with the wife! I know, the music won’t damage God’s hearing, but it will assure that future generations will be buying hearing adds when they get old!

Two years ago, I had double cataract surgery. I was bad off, and didn’t even know it! When driving at night, instead of two headlights coming at me, I saw twenty-six. I had no idea how to dodge them and just kind of aimed the car to one side, bracing myself for impact, and praying like crazy that I would stay on the road and get beyond the glare unscathed! This was especially true on wet, narrow country roads with no side lines.

The surgery was great! I only see two headlights, now. Also, the streets of Sanford are safer at night because I can see what is coming and see where I am going!

Like it or not, I’ve joined the ranks of senior citizens. Pacemakers, hearing aids, cataract surgery and so many other infirmities afflict my generation. I know I’m not alone. However, sometimes I feel like a snowman in Florida! I’m melting, wasting away faster than I would like. I still have plans, things to do, projects to build, music to play, pictures to paint, stories to write, people to see, and the list goes on. . . .

It is too easy to question God! Why has He allowed this? Doesn’t He know? Instead of taking it out on God and wallowing in the mud of self pity, my heart should be filled with thanksgiving to Him for allowing me to get this far. So many of my peers did not get their three score and ten! I did, and the things that ail me, thus far, are not debilitating enough to exclude me from doing things on my bucket list. Okay, I can no longer put my cell phone in my shirt pocket on my left side because of my pacemaker. Big deal! That was not something I was dying to do, anyway!

My observation is that those who grow old and keep their faith in God intact, grow old gracefully. They know that this life is temporal and they have the blessed hope that there is something better on the other side. Physical discomfort and pain, perhaps, are lessened by knowing that God cares, that HE will bring them through on this side or the other, which is far better.

It is my desire to see the ailments of aging as reminders to keep close to God, to keep looking up, and to run, or hobble, all the way to the finish line. Only God can renew my inward man even as my outward man falls apart!

2 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.