Writings By Phil

I am a man of many hats! So many, in fact, that my wife, Jackie, thinks I should get rid of some! I have a cowboy hat that I wear on special occasions or when I get to go home to Montana. I have a straw hat, good for the beach. The rest of my collection is mostly ball caps, though none of them represents a sports team.

I could care less about professional sports, players who are recruited from all over, so don’t represent the hometown, wokeness that is asleep to the real perils facing this country, million-dollar contracts that allow players to live like kings, but within short years of retirement the fortune is gone! It doesn’t matter who wins the Super Bowl, the USA is still a mess, far from God, and accelerating down the slippery slope of no return. I do not mean to demean any that live and breathe professional sports, but that is not me, and I must confess, I waste time on other trivial pursuits!

Instead, I have hats with logos like: Lowe’s, Home Depot, Cabela’s, Professional Rodeo, Uncle Henry Knives, John Deere, NTM, Montana.  All represent places where I shop, products I use, professions I am or wanted to be, and places where I want to live! I like hats and wear one most every day!

My daughter, who recently toured Scotland, wrote to me stating that she looked all over the country “to find you a hat made in the land of your people.”  These hats are worn by men all over Europe, and most seem to be imported from Ireland, but she wanted to get me one that was made in Scotland. She found one from the Outer Hebrides, islands off the coast of Scotland. It was constructed of hand-woven tweed. She gave it to me for Christmas.

It is called a flat hat, and in Scotland, is usually referred to as a Bunnet. It is a hat worn by the common man, farmers, blue collar workers, and the like. It can be worn for dress up or everyday work.  Already, I’ve worn it three times in public. I always pair it with a blue shirt because they have a blue collar, and I don’t want to appear to be something I am not!

So, a hat started me digging a bit deeper into my Scottish roots. I started with my name. I knew Burns was a Scottish surname, but the only Scotsman I had ever heard of with that name was Robert Burns, poet and lyricist. He was regarded to be the national poet of Scotland. His time on this earth was short, 37 years, but his writings, poems, and lyrics, filled at least a volume.

I know because I have one whole volume!  When the mission school closed in Bolivia, back in 2004, they left a complete library of thousands of books, mostly in English, to whatever fate the new owners would decide. Looking though the books shortly before our return to the States, I spotted a leather bound, gold edged, book with my name on the cover.  It looked like a Bible, but on inspection, I found it to be the literary works of Robert Burns. It was printed in 1906. I kept it, not because I’m a fan of Robert Burns, but because it had my surname on it, and it was cool!

In my research, I learned that Burns is a unique Scottish surname. It signifies the toponymic name for someone who resides by a stream. What that has to do with bagpipes, kilts, and Scotch whiskey, I will never know! I Googled the word toponymic and was still confused. I think it is a foreign word, maybe from the Scottish language!

Receiving my hat for Christmas gives me plenty of time to prepare for Robert Burns’ Night. It is celebrated, yearly, on his birthday, January 25. It is a celebration held not just in Scotland, but around the world.

The entertainment consists of bagpipe music if you call that music! The pipers are always walking, to get away from the sound, I am told!

There is food, of course and the main course is a Scottish dish called Haggis. It is a savory pudding made from sheep’s pluck (heart, liver, and lungs) that is mixed with onions, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt. Then, the whole mixture is stuffed into a sheep’s stomach and boiled. It is usually eaten with turnips (swedes, or neeps), mashed potatoes called tatties, and scotch Whiskey to drink. Don’t get me wrong, but the neeps and tatties are the only parts of this meal even remotely appetizing. I don’t drink, except kombucha now and then, but maybe after a double shot of Scotch I could put a bite of “pudding” into my mouth. No, better make that a whole bottle!

Guess I will be skipping Robert Burns’ Night this year.  I do like my new hat, though!  My only fear is that next year my daughter will gift me a pair of kilts.  I am not sure the world is ready for a glimpse of my bony knees and skinny legs! I’m not inclined to show them, either. To be honest, I would rather stuff my face with Haggis than wear kilts. I hope that is a choice I will never have to make!

Now where is my bottle of Kombucha?