Writings By Phil

In English class during my sophomore year, we analyzed the classic novel, Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens. I never dreamed a work of fiction would merit so much time and effort. We delved into the story plot, sub-plots, and the personalities of characters. For me, exhaustive and forced scholarship ruined a good story. I have never revisited it in its entirety in over 56 years.

As I remember it, the synopsis of the narrative was that Miss Havisham was a old woman of means. She lived in a mansion. When she was young she was jilted on her wedding day. The shock and humiliation of rejection filled her with lingering indignation (especially towards men) till the day she died. Though her heart still beat beneath her breast, inside, she was dead! How does one move on after so great a heartbreak?

Miss Havisham did not! Could not! She had all the clocks in the manor stopped at what was to be the happiest hour of her life. For most of her waking hours, she sat in a chair in her dressing room. Day after day, and year after year, she wore her wedding dress, and only one shoe! The white satin dress had yellowed with age. The stocking, on her exposed foot, was tattered from continuous wear. She was a bitter woman, and by her own bad choices, a spinster. Her only regular company was a young girl she adopted, named Estella.

Dickens wrote the story as told through the eyes of Pip. He was an eight year old boy hired to be a playmate for Estella. Miss Havisham hoped that watching children play would add some hilarity to her dreary existence. By the end of the novel, the pair had grown to adulthood.

On his first day at the house, Miss Havisham said to Estella, “Let me see you play cards with this boy.”

“With this boy! Why he is a common laboring-boy!”

Pip was not sure, but he thought he heard the old lady reply, “Well? You can break his heart.”

Overflowing bitterness pumped through the old woman’s veins, a toxic waste that defiled property and people. Her lovely house had fallen into disrepair. It destroyed the childhood innocence of the young Estella. It soiled any potential friendship or love between Pip and the girl as they grew older. Its presence was caustic to any and all that came near her.

Pip’s given name was Philip. Maybe that was why I felt him a kindred spirit even when I was in high school. That affinity grew stronger each time a girl broke my heart! I became convinced that every woman on earth possessed an extra gene. A sinister flaw in their genetic code, I thought! The gene lay dormant in the dark recesses of the female heart. Like a sleeper cell, it waited for the call. When summoned, it would create chaos in the life of any suitor that pursued the damsel in which it resided.. I called it the Estella gene!

I would never go so far as to declare that all the fairer sex were schizophrenics. However, I was sure they all heard at least one voice in their head that was not their own. It was the raspy voice of an old woman demanding, “Break his heart, Estella!” That one command conjured up the menacing gene, and once again, my heart was broken! I was certain the gene did not come from God. Nonetheless, in their final dialogue, the girl often alluded to His Holy name. “I’m sorry, It’s the Lord’s will!” they would say. How does one argue with that?

Even Jackie, now, my wife of more than forty-one years, heard the voice! We had finalized all the arrangements for our wedding. The preacher and the church were booked. The cake and flowers were ordered. The photographer was hired. The invitations were sent. All systems were go! Three weeks before our big day, we moved all of her furniture into my small apartment. We were tired after that. The couches were still disassembled, so we sat on the floor with our backs to the wall. It was then that she blurted out that she had second thoughts about going ahead in our relationship!

To my chagrin, the Estella gene had broken the surface of Jackie’s usually calm and thoughtful demeanor! What was I to do? She returned to her parent’s house for the night, and though I crawled into bed, I did not sleep! I wrestled with God. Where was He? I questioned His love for me. I was angry with Jackie a little, but with God a lot! Unrequited love was a hard pill for me to swallow! Just one adverse sentence from Jackie and I was smitten, nigh unto death, with the Havisham virus!

Thankfully, Jackie called the next morning. She had thought about it all night. She decided that she did love me and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. She apologized for letting rivulets of doubt erode her resolve to marry me. She, also, regretted ruining my night. I, of course, was elated at her change of heart!

But what if it was more than just a fleeting attack of cold feet on Jackie’s part? What if she really did call it off? What would I do, then?

It is not just the sweet milk of romance turned sour that curdle our expectations. The catalysts are myriad that mutate the sweet into bitter in our lives. Hearts are broken. Plans are foiled. Hopes are dashed. Friendships are fractured. Love is lost. Possessions are plundered. Loved ones die. Our name gets defamed. Our character is smeared. And the list goes on. . .

The choices we make chart the course of our lives. Good choices in the aftermath of trauma, hurt, and rejection won’t take away the pain. They will, however, make the healing process faster! Sadly, it seems our human nature always wants to do it the hard way!

When people and circumstances, real and perceived, push us off the cliff, bitterness is there to catch us. Its touch is comforting, at least at first. It poses as a friend, a protector. Bitterness puts it arms around us. It tells us we are justified in our anger. It lies to us saying we only have to forgive if the guilty party apologizes to us first. It assures us that our bitter spirit and anger will hurt the other person like they hurt us. Reality is, though, our tormentor walks around happy as a smiley emoji, oblivious to our pain. Our antipathy doesn’t hurt them! It only eats away at our heart and soul until nothing is left but a shriveled shell of sadness.

Bitterness is like curling up next to an anaconda. It will give you a hug, but before it is done, it has squeezed the life out of you!

The wisest man that ever lived, King Solomon, wrote this.  “He that handles a matter wisely shall find good: and whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he.” Proverbs 16:20 A good choice is crawling our of the quicksand of self-pity as quickly as possible. There is no good to be found in the mire at the bottom of the pit. It is also much easier to trust in the Lord if we are walking, instead of wallowing! Get back on the road of life! That is where the good will be found!

We see bitterness everywhere today. When families gather at Christmas time, there is often more tension in the air than peace on earth, good will towards men. There are way too many fractured families quarreling and bitter towards one another, adults acting childish!. Churches split because Christians refuse to esteem others better than themselves. Society now tells us we are all victims, and that we should get what we deserve. Bitter, lonely people fill the streets of our cities and plod the rural roads of the countryside.

Our bitterness affects those around us. Do we really want our bitterness to defile our children and others we love? It will!

Hebrews 12:15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;

In Great Expectations, Pip grows up and falls in love with Estella. She breaks his heart and marries another. Of course, Estella would have the Estella gene! Pip didn’t shut down like Miss Havisham did. Despite his disappointment, his life went on and he moved past the hurt of rejection and became successful in life

We don’t have to read Great Expectations to know how to overcome disappointment in our lives. I thought it was a good picture of what bitterness will do in a person’s life if left unchecked. We have something better than a fictional novel. We have the true story of how God works to redeem man and how He deals with sin, like bitterness. It is the Bible. We just need to read it, God’s instruction book for life. Most importantly we need to be a doer of the Word and not a hearer only!

FIN

More Writings by Phil

• Life Happens (31)
• Love Stories (4)
• Mission Related (1)
• Over-The-Hill In Europe (5)
• Stories of the Mbia (the People) (2)
• Tales From Green Hell 1978 -1979 (60)
• Theme Writing 1971 (2)
• This And That (26)
• Uncategorized (1)

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